the last will and testament of an extremely distinguished dog

Lemon

2 min read

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06-02-2025

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A Canine Codicil of Unprecedented Magnificence

My dearest human companions, friends, and fellow creatures of this magnificent Earth, I, Barnaby "Barnaby the Bold" Beagle, Esq., being of sound mind (though admittedly, slightly less sound in my later years, thanks to the persistent allure of squirrels), do hereby bequeath my worldly possessions and pronounce my final wishes. Let the record reflect that my bark is, and always has been, far more potent than my bite. However, my legacy extends far beyond mere canine charm.

Clause 1: The Kibble Kingdom

My extensive collection of kibble, ranging from the finest salmon-infused morsels to the humble yet satisfying oat-based nuggets, shall be divided equally amongst the deserving dogs of the Sunny Meadows Animal Shelter. I stipulate that no kibble shall be wasted; each morsel should be savored with the same gusto I displayed throughout my illustrious life. Special consideration should be given to those with a penchant for chasing butterflies—they understand the finer things in life.

Clause 2: The Squeaky Toy Legacy

My collection of squeaky toys, a testament to years of unparalleled play and strategic pouncing, will be dispersed as follows:

• To Pip, my loyal and slightly clumsy pug companion: The fire hydrant-shaped toy, a symbol of our shared adventures.
• To Millie, the majestic golden retriever: The plush bunny, a reminder of her gentle nature.
• To all the puppies at Sunny Meadows: The remainder of the collection, to ensure endless squeals of delight and joyful mayhem.

Clause 3: The Prime Real Estate (My Favorite Napping Spots)

My designated napping spots throughout the house are hereby declared National Monuments for canine relaxation. I urge my human, Eleanor, to maintain these sacred spaces, undisturbed and perpetually sun-drenched, for the benefit of future canine residents. The armchair by the fireplace is particularly crucial; it boasts optimal warmth and optimal squirrel-watching opportunities.

Clause 4: The Legacy of Good Boyhood

My greatest legacy is not material but rather the embodiment of "good boy" principles. I implore all dogs to strive for unwavering loyalty, boundless enthusiasm, and the occasional well-timed cuddle. Remember, a wagging tail can conquer even the most challenging of days.

Clause 5: The Executor of My Estate

I appoint my beloved human, Eleanor, as the executor of this will. Her unwavering dedication and supply of delicious treats have made my life exceptionally paw-some. I trust her judgment implicitly (especially when it comes to selecting the highest-quality bacon bits).

Signed (with a generous amount of slobber),

Barnaby "Barnaby the Bold" Beagle, Esq.

Witnessed by:

Fluffy the Cat (reluctantly)

Chester the Chameleon (unimpressed but present nonetheless)

Note from Eleanor: Barnaby passed peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by loved ones and a mountain of squeaky toys. His memory, like the scent of his wet nose, will forever remain in our hearts. This will, while whimsical, reflects Barnaby's generous spirit and unwavering love for all creatures, great and small. Rest in peace, my dearest boy.